Salt Life…Sad Life

I know what you are going to say – no pictures?! No, no pictures. But, well, it wasn’t really jumping off the plate either. Every one of my friends have told me or DJ SnuggleMonster that Salt Life is the best for seafood in town, especially at the Beaches. Let’s just say that both DJSM and I were far from impressed – in fact, we were disappointed.

When we first walked in, we were greeted by at least six hostesses – I’m going to call them hostesses, but I am not if that’s exactly what they were. Why do you need six hostesses who stand in a doorway that most people can barely fit into, and have each guest have to say hello and make eye contact with each of them in a fit of confusion? While there appeared to be a line, one of the harem offered that we could sit in the bar area at the hightops, which we gladly accepted.

Our waitress, as nice as she was, spent far too much time chatting with the other waitresses instead of coming by the table. She did one “drive by” to check to make sure our food was ok once we received it, but it was obvious that, if something was wrong, she wouldn’t have the time to stop to make it better. I requested my food without a bun, since I didn’t want to waste food and I wasn’t going to eat it. The waitress repeated it back to me, and the rest of our order was unchanged from the menu. The waitress, while she repeated my request back to me as part of our order, did not seem to realize that my food came out anyway with a bun anyway until we came to pick up our plates at the end of our meal. If she had checked our food before it came out, or even checked on us when the food was delivered with any sincerity, it would have been an easy mistake to see and correct. So, ok, the inclusion of a bun is not something to cry over.

But the food, man. The food was, well, not good. I ordered the tuna burger, which came with avocado fries. The menu did not indicate that the burger was, in fact, more of a tuna cake as opposed to a piece of tuna, and so it took me a minute to figure out what was put in front of me. The avocado fries tasted like dirt, and even the sauces on top could not make the tuna cake taste like anything other than, well, cat food. If you blindfolded me and had me guess what I was eating, I would not be able to tell you it was tuna.

DJSM ordered the softshell crab BLT. While he said there was a good amount of the bacon, the rest was bland tomatoes and lettuce. The bread itself comprised 75% of the sandwich. Both DJSM and I were also shocked that none of the “handhelds” came with a side of any kind – that was an additional expense. For a menu item anywhere from $10 to $12, these sandwiches should absolutely come with a side – and hello, it’s standard here in America to have that as part of that kind of meal.

The ONLY good thing was the dessert. I wasn’t able to eat half of my meal and we had plans to go drink beer after, so I needed something to fill me up. And hello, you can’t really screw up dessert (especially when I anticipate that it is pre-made). We ordered the Hot Blonde, a warm blondie with caramel sauce and vanilla icecream. It was SENSATIONAL. The blondie was the perfect temperature and not too sweet, and the icecream was extra cold, so it didn’t melt on top of the blondie right away. The only saving grace to Salt Life.

Word of advice? In an area riddled with seafood, there are much better options at a better price point. I’m also pretty sure that the food did not sit right with my body, so there’s that too. (TMI? Sorry.). Or, heck, just go for the drinks, because they can’t screw that up too bad can they?


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